"I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin (with lyrics)

My New Resume

Okay, my husband said to me the other day, that if I spent as much time looking for a job as I did blogging about it, I would already be working and not stressing....I laughed for a moment and then felt set up......I'll show him......I'll get a job...So, I started looking through the Want Ad's.....nope, not fun; not qualified; I'm not working on weekends; oh, I don't think so; so, maybe I need to come up with my own "Want Ad/Resume so when that perfect someone sees it, they will hire me for my perfect job.....So, here it goes....

Happily (well she was until her husband told her she had to get a job) Married Female, Looking for that perfect job....I don't clean houses, I don't really like to talk on the phone, I will do you a favor and stay home when I am feeling a little hormonal (trust me, you will thank me later for this one), I want to dress up on some days, and others I just don't care....Really depends on the mood for the day; Really need Monday's and Friday's off....Monday's to do laundry and stuff around the house...Friday's...well, just because;....I want to make a lot of money because I don't like to just shop for the fun of it, I like to purchase things when I shop; I will travel...as long as it is to Cabo, Hawaii, anything with white sand at my feet;
Don't bother calling me to set up an appointment (remember the whole I don't like to talk on the phone, so I probably won't answer).....I will call you.....

Now, I sit and wait...Mean time, I better find a "real people" job......

I need some WHINE with my cheese

The other day, my husband and I were taking our oldest son to have his wisdom teeth taken out and just talking about everything. Some how we got on the subject of blogs and jobs....Out of the blue my husband said, "if you would spend as much time looking for a job as you do blogging about how sick it makes you, you would be working right now and not stressing about it"......
We all laughed because at the time it was funny....but to the point...My husband is the BEST person in the world to get me to see things clearly.....I can't count how many times he has pointed something out and it was like my eyes were suddenly opened...I often wonder how it is that I can't see it.....

Regarding the job hunt, I couldn't see it because I was sooo busy dwelling on the fact that things were going to change in my life...Yeah, so what....I have an Aunt dying of cancer....I have a very young cousin fighting with all her might with cancer.....And I'm worried about a stupid job....

So, next week is the start of school. And the start of my serious job hunt....And it's all good.....

Job Hunting Is NO fun

This is my life......wake up, make my coffee, hit the "Want-Ads" looking for a job....so far, NOTHING!!! I have called about a few, but today, I'm no closer to finding a job than last year!!!!

Now, my husband is telling me I need something full time....Okay, how in the heck is that going to work....Who is going to take the kids and pick them up from school? When he told me what I had to make to survive, I wanted to throw up.....I will be making enough to support my kids at their private school....We still get no further...just maintain...I'm sick of just maintaining.....I want to be able to do things....go places, buy things....

I know this sounds soooo spoiled rotten....Because when I'm looking at it, I'm saying the same thing....

Tonight, I was taking my oldest son to his friends house for a birthday party....WOW!!! When I saw their house I was shocked....I am so happy for them...It is beautiful!!!!! But, not sure we will ever live in something like that...yes, she works...for her husband...who is a doctor....

I am in a big major funk tonight....I am out of time to find the job that would make me okay to leave the house and be gone from family....Now, it's find anything that will pay quick.....

I might as well face it....I have to go back to teaching.....not what I wanted to do, however, it's what I can do to have summers with the kids.....ready for this, no jobs....those have been filled...so, I thought I would sub...however, he is saying I need something now...and subbing might not be enough......I am drowning right now......I feel as though I have just let go of the life support that was my safety and going into the deep despair of fear.........

I'll be better soon...just not tonight....

HATE JOB HUNTING.....

Okay, for three days, I have been looking for a job....I hate it, I hate it, I hate it....I think mostly because I hate change....I am realizing my boys are growing up and I need to turn that page, but I don't want to...I loved my life when the boys were young...We slept late, got up, ate breakfast, and played...We would ride bikes, take a walk in the rain, watch Little Bear, take naps together, just do whatever we wanted. That is what I like so much about summer, I get my boys back. But it is time to move on. The boys are both going to private school and I need money. We are having a hard time with finances especially since we bought our flip house and we have a ware house that is sitting empty needing some TLC and on the market.
This is going to sound really spoiled, however, I want a job that is going to make me happy. I know they are out there. I hear people say they love their jobs. I also hear people say they hate their job and they are NOT happy. Life is too short to not be happy. Maybe I need to find a want ad section that says, Hey you, I got the "happy" job you have been looking for all your life....it is now ready for you......and the pay is good also!!!!!!!

Today is the Day

I'm sitting at my kitchen table with an application staring me in the face and a knot in my stomach. The job is a teaching position at the private school my boys are attending. The thought of me going back to work really physically makes me sick. I am not opposed to going back to work, in fact, I'm ready. I just don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Problem is, that time of being "grown up" is here. I truly feel my boys need to be at this school. We have hit some financially hard times, as most have and our debt is making it hard to make all the ends meet. My salary would more than pay for the boys school. I have waited and waited for the phone to ring for that "perfect" job...but "they" (you know the perfect job person) must be dialing the wrong number and keeps giving my perfect job away to someone else....

From the time I was a little girl, I was going to be a Mommy. I used to dream of the day I would marry my husband and have children...In high school, we had to choose a career and go to that job for a day. I tried doing the "mother" bit, but they wouldn't let me stay home to observe my mom (not sure why), so I decided to try nursing...got to the hospital to observe and they took me in a room with an elderly lady getting a simple I.V. okay, that's cool....no, not cool, needle went in, lady shook a little, I ended up on the floor - out like a light...The next thing I know I'm in the nurse's lounge with a doctor standing over me asking me if I am okay. I knew from that moment on, I could not do medical....So, I'll teach..That way I can be with my children...I was graduated from High School, went to local Jr. College, where I think I majored more in Social Life than Associates Degree...I knew I might have a problem when I worked my schedule around The Young and Restless. I mean Marge was having a face lift and it was going to be televised. I had to go to Mazzios, have my mini pizza on the table with my drink and a few fellow classmates for support to watch this event. Maybe it was the whole nursing thing coming out in me. No, honestly, it was what this whole thing boils down to......Failure!!! I let that one word rule my entire life.....If I try out, I WON'T make it. If I apply for this job, they WON'T pick me....There it is....I am paralized by failure.....Hard for someone like me to admit that.....Some probably read this and say, "she's just lazy"; some might say, "get over it and do it"; or maybe, just maybe some read this and go, "I totally understand this"....If that's you , you know it's real....Not something I'm proud of, just something I have.....

So, here I am in the middle of a "war with myself" .....angry that I keep doubting myself, but shaking when I fill out the application....I am paralized....

The job would be great for many reasons, I would be somewhat close to my boys and I would have my summers off...best part....However, the things holding me back is I really don't like being in a box. I remember I was doing a permanent substitute teaching job for a friend of mine and can remember vividly being outside with the kids and looking through the fence wishing I could be on the other side....

I was hoping to ease back into the working world slowly....I have been home for 14 years...Hard to change my way of thinking...So, if you're interested, you can follow me through the process of letting go of my fear, attempting to let God show me the way without me bypassing Him or me trying to "help" Him, finding the right thing that will make me happy, that "thing" we call a JOB.....